Off-Topic: Vows

Two years ago, on May 19, 2012, I married my husband, John. These were my vows:

I don’t know what I can say to you that I’ve not already said.

In front of family, friends, neighbors, and community, I can say this:

Today is not a beginning – We began many years ago.

Today is not an ending – There is much more for us to explore together.

I am grateful, that having moved apart, our separate journeys prepared us to come together again, and see each other with new eyes.

I love you, more than I could have imagined I would ever love anyone.

Today is a milestone on the path.

I want always to travel that path with you.
"We began many years ago"
John and I first met nearly 30 years ago at one of the then-many, now long-gone, gay bars in the East Village.
"having moved apart"
Somewhere explained in an earlier blog post. I moved from the East Village to Brooklyn
"our separate journeys"
Both John and I have spoken publicly about being in recovery. Speaking for myself, I needed a lot of work.
We've been "together" for 17 years or so. (John keeps track of these things.) We've been living together for 14 years. A few years ago, as the possibility of legal marriage in New York state seemed increasingly likely, I "pre-proposed" to John. I told him that, if and when it became legal in our home state, I would propose to him. He initially objected, "What if I want to propose to you?!"

In the Summer of 2011, marriage equality became law in New York state. The next day, we had a voice message from a couple of our straight neighbors: "When's the wedding?!" All the pressure to marry came from straight friends and neighbors.

In the Fall of 2011, I ambushed John with a "surprise engagement." I secretly gathered family and friends, and proposed to John on our second floor porch. We shared dinner after at a nearby restaurant.

Many years ago, when our partnership had not yet been secured, I vowed to John: "I commit to exploring relationship with you." I maintain that vow.

Related Content

Bees, a Mockingbird, and Marriage Equality, 2009-05-22
David Joseph Wilcox, 1957-1996, 2008-01-22


Wikipedia: Marriage Equality Act (New York)

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